NATURAL PARENTING

GREENING THE HOME: PROTECT YOUR CHILD'S ENVIRONMENTAL HEALTH

NATURAL PARENTING - A COLLECTION OF ARTICLES

POTTY TRAINING

GREENING THE HOME: PROTECT YOUR CHILD'S ENVIRONMENTAL HEALTH

If you are really interested in providing health and well-being for your new baby, then it really is important to try and make sustainable and green choices with regards to your child’s upbringing. Post-birth the real work starts! What type of nappies are you going to choose? Can you really afford to be a ‘mindless consumer’ of thousands of disposables that relate to tonnes of waste? Are you aware of what chemicals are in your home and on your food and how they impact on your child’s health?

Three things to think about that could make a big difference to your babies’ life:
PROTECT YOUR CHILD'S ENVIRONMENTAL HEALTH

Clean up your act…Avoid pesticides and harmful household chemicals
Pregnant women, children and babies are especially vulnerable to pesticides and should avoid them whenever possible. As with all choices, ‘greening the home’ takes a little effort and shift in mind set but is well worth it. Young children who are exposed to pesticides are at greater risk of developmental delays and childhood cancers such as leukemia and brain tumors; this is especially important to take conscience of in light of the new information on EMR (electromagnetic radiation). Think about the chemicals that you chose to clean your home carefully – avoid all bleaches and ammonia and do not use poisonous chemicals on your garden or pets. Think about all those chemicals your baby is rubbing against in the carpets and on the floor when he/she is learning to crawl! There are many great natural products available on the South African market; our favourite brands include Enchantrix and Bloublometjies. These are widely available in supermarkets and can be ordered through online stores as well or from the head offices in bulk which means big savings.

GO ORGANIC
Many people make the excuse that organic products are too expensive for their budget... Whilst it is true that organic produce is generally more expensive – this too is a lifestyle choice. Often our bodies crave nutrients rather than quantity of food – the old adage “Quality not quantity” comes to mind! If you think that by eating more you are getting more you are wrong…the average vegetable from the supermarket contains very little nutrients, has been picked too early, been sprayed with chemical ripening retardants and been transported for thousands of kilometers  - no wonder your body ‘wants more’ – it is probably suffering from malnutrition! So – it follows that if you buy something that is organic and is packed with flavour you will need less and therefore have to buy and spend less!  Less is more! In addition to the many online organic stores in South Africa, there are numerous weekend organic markets which make for a great morning out with the kids as there are often play areas and other children’s weekend activities. (Take Dad along to supervise while you browse!)

DON'T MICROWAVE!
I can not believe that so many people still use their microwaves for almost every meal. I personally do not have a microwave which I think are TERRIBLE (see Biophile article….) ; but I am not in the majority! I am also not in the majority with my use of Bio-Baba nappies even though they are better for baby, for the planet and less expensive than disposables, but that does not make me wrong! Although I accept that many people can not live without their microwaves in their busy lives, having a baby means taking stock of your life and actually making conscious decisions about what is important to you. I love cooking – so to take something out of the freezer and simply ‘nuke it’ is just not an option. Taking time to cook a delicious nutritious meal is important to me. As we all know – getting the proper nutrition whilst pregnant and breastfeeding is incredibly important – so to use the microwave at this time just does not seem appropriate since in addition to getting rid of the nutrients, microwaving (especially in plastic) emits very dangerous chemicals into your food. So microwaving breast milk or any food for your baby is out! Do not make formula up and heat it up in the microwave! Do not make food for baby, freeze it and then defrost it in the microwave! Do not disinfect baby bottles in the microwave!
top

POTTY TRAINING

GETTING THE TIMING RIGHT
As with most things, timing is everything! My first son Hugo was 2 ½ years old at the height of summer – so potty training was incredibly simple as we spent a lot of time outdoors/on the beach and it was easy to get him to go as he generally didn’t have a nappy on, or was wearing a Bio-Baba cloth nappy/diaper. However, with son number two, Todd, 2 ½years old came slap bang in the middle of winter, meaning that he was wrapped up for a Cape Town with snow on the mountains…no matter how much I tried – he was not going to sit on the cold toilet seat/potty – can’t say I blame him! The point here is that the key to potty-training success is starting only when your son is truly able to do so.

Some children can start as young as 1 ½ years, others don’t seem interested until they are over 4years! Since boys have to learn to point their equipment rather than sit, they often train slightly slower than girls, so don’t worry if you had a girl who trained a bit earlier; also second children often train earlier – although, this wasn't the case for me. The bottom line is that the child will only train when ready – trying to force the issue (by insisting that he sit on a freezing cold seat in the middle of winter for example!) – is not going to get you to nappy free days any faster. By the same extent, if there has been any change in routine such as the arrival of a new sibling or starting at a new school, the advent of a potty training schedule might be too much…wait until your son is in a good routine and then go for it!

CHECK OUT HOW OTHERS DO IT!
All toddlers learn by imitation so watching Dad or an older brother getting it right is a natural first step. (Here’s hoping that they also lift the seat!) Being naturally curious, your son will probably notice that mums sit on the loo, whilst boys stand…which is a good time to point out some physical differences between boys and girls.

GETTING THE RIGHT TRAINING EQUIPMENT
Living in South Africa and having such wonderful weather most of the year I think makes a potty less necessary than in cooler countries since toddlers are more likely to go in the garden than have to go inside to use a potty the whole time. Although most experts do advise buying a potty so that your son can claim some kind of ownership over it and feel less intimidated than having to use a big toilet straight away (which can be scary, especially if they fear falling into it!) There are also quite cool training seats which can fit on top of a regular toilet. If you opt for this, make sure you get a little stool for them to be able to stand on and point at the porcelain otherwise you might have quite a wet floor. At my son’s playschool they have a great little ladder which makes it look most inviting to go to the toilet – keep it fun. A mum I know even put some Flings in for their son to target practice at! I didn’t try this myself as, knowing Todd he would have fished them out afterwards!

There are also some great books that feature toddlers going to use the potty, along with their little stuffed toys (who all need to go too!). In the beginning stages I found it useful to read books like this and then go and find Todd’s potty and ‘play’ going to the toilet (along with various furry friends). As the game progressed over several days, we eventually got some action and much celebration. “How clevers” etc. Much cheering of course from the stuffed toys!

USING SOME HYPE
Since the advent of the disposable nappy, the average age of potty training has risen dramatically as children are kept permanently dry and can no longer learn to associate weeing with being wet.

Since Bio-Baba nappies make fantastic training pants, I strongly advise using something like this to bridge the gap between being in nappies full time and in underpants. If your child has been wearing disposables prior to potty training, it would be a very good investment to buy at least 5 Bio-Baba nappies to use as night nappies or at those times when you may not be so positive when your son does a large number (such as in the car or at a restaurant). You really do want to avoid having to get cross because they have ‘had an accident’ and since Bio-Baba nappies look so cool with their bright colours, you can create some hype around wearing ‘big boy’ nappies and/or undies.

If your child has been wearing Bio-Babas from ‘tiny to tot’, they should be training, on average, about 6 months before their peers in disposable nappies.

CO-ORDINATING THE ROUTINE
There is absolutely no point in trying to potty train your son if you do not co-ordinate your routine with all of his caregivers. If he is in daycare or is looked after by a caregiver or granny, then everyone needs to be on the same page, ie. taking him to the toilet and doing and saying the same things as you. If relatives do not have a potty – then make sure he can take his own one with if staying there for extended periods of time.

WATCHING FOR SIGNS
Teaching everyone involved what signs to watch for is also a good step towards successful potty training. The most obvious signs are when your son is clutching himself or hopping up and down in one place; you can also make sure that he goes before and after going in the car, also after he has had something to drink. Consistency is also key, and the more time your child spends out of nappies the better…positively reinforce all the successful toilet trips and avoid scolding for any accidents; this is more likely to keep him in nappies, rather than get him out!

REWARDS AND FUN
I have mentioned my friend who put Flings in the toilet for target practice…whilst this may not have worked for me – the idea behind it was good – FUN! A little girl at Todd’s school sits for AGES on the toilet whilst reading a book – so if you have a little bookworm, putting some of his favourite stories to read whilst having a go is a good idea. You can also try rewarding your toddler with the good old sticker chart for whenever he goes successfully.

NIGHT TIME
Only attempt this once your child has successfully potty trained during the day as night training is quite tricky since your boy will have to ‘hold it in’ the whole night. It is a really good idea to buy a good mattress protector since this will take some of the stress of leaving your child without a nappy for the whole night.

Many of my clients have children who are successfully potty trained during the day, but then stay in disposable ‘Night Nappies’ for years afterwards since the older child realizes that they can wee in a night nappy no problem. This is why it is important to try something like a Bio-Baba at first for potty training so that they actually realize they are wet. You can then also try nappy free nights if you check the Bio-Baba in the morning and see that it is dry for several nights in a row.

You can also help by limiting the amount he drinks after 5pm as well as making him go for a quick wee if he wakes in the night. I also find that Todd will often wake with a dry nappy, but will wee very shortly after waking up. So, if you hear your toddler stirring in the morning – be quick to jump up and get them on the loo as fast as possible.

PASSING ON NAPPIES
One of the great things about using cloth nappies like Bio-Babas is that you can pass them on. You can make your son feel really proud that he is out of nappies and such a ‘big boy’ by making a great gift of his Bio-Babas to a friend with a small baby or by packing them away in a special place for his next brother or sister!

By Victoria Penfold
top

NATURAL PARENTING

The Sophia Family Centre was started in 1994 with the aim of addressing the needs of mothers and children in a changing society. The traditional extended family can no longer be relied on for support, and feelings of isolation and alienation are commonly experienced, particularly in the first months and years of parenthood. The aim of the Sophia Family Centre is to provide peer support on the one hand, but also to build up the inner resources of the individual. There are regular meetings on Wednesday mornings at 10.30 and Constantia Waldorf School in Cape Town. They take place during school terms and mothers are invited to bring their young children and share their experiences of being a parent. Generally a speaker is invited to address a particular topic, and a very wide range of subjects has been covered over the years, often with practical help being exchanged as well as advice and experience. Also a parenting course is run every year, where more formal talks are given by professionals, as well as an annual one-day birthing workshop. The articles in this section comprise extracts from some of the talks held at the Sophia family centre over the past 10 years, particularly those relating to child development, potential problems and possible solutions.

OUR ROLE AS PARENTS – PROTECTORS IN THE KINGDOM OF CHILDHOOD

DEVELOPING LIFE SKILLS

DISCIPLINE AND THE SMALL CHILD

DISCIPLINE AND THE TODDLER

TELEVISION AND THE YOUNG CHILD

UNDERSTAND YOUR CHILDREN’S DRAWINGS

FREEING THE ARTISIT WITHIN THE CHILD

UNDERSTANDING ADOLESCENCE

HUMAN TOUCH & THE SENSE OF LIFE/WELLBEING

MOTHERS AND SONS

WARMTH FOR HEALTH

FARMING WITH NATURE

THE GARDEN… A SOURCE OF LIFE

UNDERSTANDING EASTER

WHY WE CELEBRATE THE FESTIVAL OF ST JOHN

WHAT IS MICHAELMAS?

OUR ROLE AS PARENTS – PROTECTORS IN THE KINGDOM OF CHILDHOOD

The sacred jewel at the heart of the Kingdom of Childhood is the young child. This is surrounded, as it were, by a series of concentric circles: the parents, the family, the school, the community and others.

Looking into the heart of this kingdom we see, through the eyes of spiritual science, the following picture. At the moment of physical birth, the incarnating soul leaves the heavens to enter the physical body that has been prepared by the biological parents in order to fulfil a chosen destiny. While this birth is the beginning of earthly life, it is a moment of intense loss to the spiritual world.

What happens between a mother and her new born baby is profound and often sets the tone for a lifetime. The baby remains very much in touch with the world of angels for a considerable time. This period of ‘becoming earthly’ can be a bit bewildering for child and parents alike. It has been said that parenting is one of the most difficult paths of initiation. It certainly is the hardest and most challenging job you will ever undertake, and of course the most rewarding.

You, the parent, are your child’s first toy: your face, your voice, and your hands. You are the environment. What lives inside you lives most power- fully inside your youngster. Children respond to our gestures and inner feelings rather than to what we think or what we look like. This lays the foundation for moral fibre to emerge later in adolescence.

As Ann Sharfman pointed out in a recent lecture on Developing Lifeskills in Young Children, there are certain things that we cannot teach our  children, such as the mastery of emotion and the grasping of the thinking faculty. We can, however, provide an environment that allows them to flourish, one with security, rhythm and routine and uncluttered spaces to play.

It is only our inner strength that will replace the outer forms that used to prescribe child rearing. Rhythm and routine provide security and safety in a child’s life.  The family meal, for example, offers the opportunity to participate in the harvesting, preparation, cooking and serving of a nutritious meal. This is the sort of thing that has far reaching effects on the emotional, intellectual and moral development of the young child.

Children need time to play and to practice their skills. They need to play alongside their caregiver – they don’t need over-focused eye contact. They need the space to experiment with their emotions and time and opportunity to handle their difficulties, such as rejection or other consequences of their behaviour.

‘Quality Time’, is indeed a misnomer. Short, intense periods of time spent with a child can be very unnerving. Children benefit from ‘benign neglect’, where they know their caretaker is close by and available to them, while not entertaining them or being directly involved in their play.

All this in not what our society tells us. Here Superwoman is honoured: the mother who has a high-powered job and is economically successful. Motherhood is considered a second-rate profession. We are pushed from all directions to teach our children younger and younger and to expose them to more and more. We forget that what is needed in a technically advanced, materially sophisticated, scientific world, first and foremost are a sense of morality, security, a balanced outlook, humour and love. Let us remember what the French philosopher Jean-Jacques Rousseau said: “Nature would have children be children before they are men. If we try to invert the order we shall produce a fruit that rots before it ripens”.

If you understand this and choose to live in this way you will often feel as though you are swimming upstream. The traditional extended family can no longer be relied on, and feelings of isolation and alienation are commonly experienced. 

This is where a Parents’ Resource Centre to nurture family life and to support parenting in every way comes into it own. Here parents can discuss and experience the many issues facing them, meet other supportive families and build up their own inner resources. They can learn simple skills, crafts and how to tell a story. They can also become informed about such things as the effects of immunisation, the media and education. They can take a good look at the ills that characterise our privileged societies: over-indulgence, neurotic fearfulness, inappropriate play things, exposure to the media, spiritual neglect and impoverishment.
We all want the best for our child and to be a perfect parent, but we
first need to be very clear on what that means.

Let us remember that who we are as parents is more important than what we think we should do or what we can buy. Our children  have come with work to do. Nelson Mandela reminds us the most important thing to do in the world today is to take care of our children. Let us heed to their unfolding journeys and provide them with clear boundaries, guidance and real nurturing that will feed their souls, granting our children their rightful kingdom.            
From a talk given by Yvonne Herring to parents at Honeybush Waldorf
School in Stellenbosch, at the founding of their Family  Centre  May 2002 
top

DEVELOPING LIFE SKILLS

Resume of a lecture by Ann Sharfman in February 2003 

"LIFESKILL" is a favourite buzzword of our time.

Lifeskills are certainly what every parent would want their child to have. But what do we really mean by lifeskills?  We probably mean the ability to live life to the full, to rise to challenges, make the right choices, succeed in relationships, to be productive, have a social conscience, and so on.  

So what are some of these challenges facing today’s children?  Can we even know what our children will have to deal with in the world?   For every new generation, the world is vastly different from the one known by their parents in their own youth.  Knowledge, technology and globalization advance at an unrelenting pace, and the reality our children will contend with is also one of rapidly changing consciousness.  The parent/caregiver however remains the responsible party for assisting them and preparing them to cope.  Developmental phases have to follow a specific sequence for growth to take place. For example, a child has to learn to crawl before he or she walks.  If the crawling stage is left out for some reason, it is well known that the child may suffer from other related and unrelated gross and fine motor problems later on in his/her development. In spite of technological developments the young child today is not all that different in constitution from his/her parent. 

They have to develop capacities and abilities which will facilitate a new kind of thinking. Perhaps of greater importance will be discernment; above all, young people have to develop the capacity to deal with life responsibly, ethically - as a matter of morality. We live in a culture that drags us along relentlessly, fostering mostly amoral ‘progress’ merely for the sake of progress. For the sake of all– individual/ civil society/planet/all living things in it, we need people not only able to recognise where and when we go off track, but also able to lead, and guide progress with integrity, vision, moral strength.  The human race as a whole needs to develop something more than just further ‘skills’ (to invent or to research, etc); we need to ensure that all of our ‘progress’ can become a blessing and not a curse.

The catch-phrases of today - human rights, freedom, democracy, independence - are ideals of our time. Most of these indeed remain as that - mere ideals – albeit ideals that burn with a passion in many.  These ideals are still what we strive towards. We remember the French Revolution, the cry for Liberty, Equality and Fraternity. Has much changed since then? Are we not still much at that same threshold even now, a few centuries on? Children born now, already arrive bearing these impulses strongly within. Idealism in youth which has no outlet can turn sour and sad and robs the youngster of potential to strive towards these ideals.

Clearly, the era of authority vested in institutions is coming to an end.  The authority of state, church, and the patriarch continues losing its once omnipotent hold, and children now respond to authority very differently. However, they still greatly yearn for security and the authority of wisdom during their formative years. If they don’t find it, ‘you’re history’.

How then, do we generally go about meeting this huge challenge today? Typically, by communicating ‘huge expectations’ to our children – we demand that they be eloquent, tough, intellectual, ‘Smart’.  We expect of them to begin ‘learning’ earlier and earlier. We cram them with ‘facts’. We interrogate constantly; ‘’What do you know/tell me about it/do it this way/you must remember to …/learn your numbers and shapes/what did you learn today? etc etc etc. The flipside of our material-fact-obsession is our fear.  We view facts as safe and smart, our assurance of surpassing others, our guarantee for keeping ahead. Because we measure and compare, facts are a security-source, and "teaching facts’’ has become synonymous with ‘skill’, underwriting our main myth; ‘success’.  In so doing, we rob our children of much of their learning potential.

For the developing child, facts offer no real ‘food’,  – we learn, after all, by imitation, turning perceptions into actions, through experience.  When our children react with rebellious behaviour, learning/attention-deficit disorders, ill health in the form of psycho-somatic symptoms (tummy-aches, headaches), depression, eating disorders like obesity and anorexia, by developing substance dependencies etc, they are trying to communicate their desperation; ‘’More Facts are NOT what I need now ’’. 

And what do we do with their message? We try even harder;
‘’What are you feeling?’’  ‘’Express your feelings!’’ ‘’Is this a happy or a sad face?”, and so on. (witness the charts professionals use when ‘working therapeutically’ with children) We are, in fact……STILL saying…… ’’What else will I have to teach you to make you better/smarter ?’’  Eventually, we end up saying; ‘’Be quiet. Sit still. You can watch just this one T V program. Or ‘’Just take this tablet, it will help you concentrate’’.

As adults and parents, we are often as desperate as our children. We no longer have the certainty of the past; ‘the ways of old’ per se no longer suffice, and our children are asking something of us that we know we cannot ‘’teach’’.  We can look to popular psychology manuals and quick-fix magazines, there to find partial answers (and often conflicting ones at that). We find ourselves in the realm of ‘that which we cannot ‘teach’ ’.

The simple truth is that children come with all that they need. Like a seed, they come equipped with a blueprint for the whole - bringing with them in the form of impulses ‘in embryo form’ ALL that the future needs. Children long to grow up, to move on, get into the next thing eager to make a difference. Their need to develop is natural and inherent. They have drive, determination, courage, a longing to develop capacities and strengths, and to embrace the world. All this comes from the inside. What a child meets in the form of nurturance and nourishment will determine how well that which is inborn will fare and emerge to shape fate.

What then DO they need to develop? 
Firstly, the ability to think; imagination, lateral thinking, creative thinking, ‘’making something out of nothing’’, linking concepts, freedom of thought, decision making.
Secondly, to develop a healthy feeling life (a more difficult concept than the first one);Not only naming ‘’this is what I feel’’ in a selfish focused-on-me manner, but inspirational feeling, connecting with that which is more-than-ME, a sense of what is true and false and what is real; this is the ability to listen properly and not only to ‘react with an opinion’’. It forms the basis of all artistic activity.
Thirdly, appropriate activity -arising out of an interplay of the above - that which you put into the world.  This we also call intuition, a higher level of perceiving reality, the ability to ‘let go’ of one’s self, to do with caring compassion, and a true ability to love.
They also need courage, confidence, setting and reaching goals; social skills, compassion and imagination, strength to cope with that which you do not like and cannot change.

Our job is to trust and nurture what is there already; to be worthy of imitation. Our job is the striving to be that which we would like them to become.  Having provided a nurturing environment, we then step back, trusting, giving them time. By allowing them to explore and play, they find their way into life. When the greatest talent of all - the ability to play- is respected and allowed to survive, it remains an inspiration for the rest of life.

At the heart of real play is loving playfulness which encourages trust; it welcomes the child as it welcomes all. This is what enhances language development, social and relationship ability confidence.  We play with the newborn baby, with its hands, touching its face and the rest of its body.  By touching another, the child begins to experience himself as separate and different from ‘the other’.  Through play we find our way towards being upright; when falling over and laughing at it, we learn what it is to be human. Preventing hurt when falling or overcoming hurt from a fall cannot be ‘taught’ from the outside or imposed by another but it can be learned.  Real experiences such as falling and recovering and overcoming, provide the child with primary experience and its first taste of freedom, as well as of individuality. It builds confidence and trust in the ability to overcome mistakes, and discovers the courage to have made the mistake at all. Continually verifying and integrating, through incremental experiential gains the child gradually ventures into the world - safely and securely going forth from the advantageous position of its own inner ‘known space’. The child has gained strength within him/herself and has gained the potential to overcome adversity.

We cannot ‘be taught’ how to go out into the world; Only by taking every step ourselves, can we create the ‘next space’ for our growth…to discover and realize ‘me’ as a discrete entity - separate from ‘the world’.  This happens in the arena of social play and the wonders of the fantasy life.  Via the senses, the child takes all that he/she experiences, then imitates what has been seen and experienced and through this activity the child can know.  All early impressions are therefore developmental; perception of all outer phenomena enters into the stillness of the child, where it is contemplated, then emerges again in the activities, language and behaviour of the child.

Watch the small child play. Given the time and space to experience, to find out, the child will be a seeker and a finder rather than a mere follower, because he is given the chance to arrive at the right question, the chance to formulate, and the opportunity to ask………..before being ‘supplied’ by ‘answers’, answers we so often give before the questions are even formulated in the child.

Gradually, play goes through transformation – it becomes planned.  You hear this in the child’s language.  They plan every detail of the game, e.g. the money, the tickets, the position etc. It is the ability to think that is being developed here.  We see the emergence of sequence, concept of time, cause and effect, maths and science…its all there.

Children are ‘creating themselves’, preparing for a world we will not know.    They arrive, and before developing their own discernment, they trust that what we permit, select, indicate, is ‘good and right’.  What is our role? Rather than ‘coddling by facts’ and not substituting virtual reality for the real experience, appropriate protection/parameters and achievable challenges are what we can offer to help them overcome obstacles, possibly even painful ones.

To be worthy of imitation, we need to share real experiences - by doing things with them; presence, support, encouragement, never interference.

We need both to trust them and be worthy of their trust.
Aug 2003
top

DISCIPLINE AND THE SMALL CHILD

When thinking of discipline, I ask myself, why do we need discipline? And what do we want to achieve with it? When we can answer these questions, we can find the way to discipline. We need to look at two things when discerning what we need to do in a particular or recurrent situation. We need to see if what is happening is age appropriate and if it is really important.  By ‘’age-appropriate’’ I mean that we need to look at the developmental stages of the child and see what needs to be done. And by really important I mean to see what really needs discipline and what doesn't.

When an 8 month old baby puts everything in his/her mouth, this is developmental, so instead of saying "Don't put that in your mouth", take the object away and give them a more suitable one, or better still, anticipate the situation and only allow suitable objects to be
available.

Discipline is not punishment; there is never a need for punishment. Discipline must always lead to freedom, there is no other reason for it, and if it doesn't, then it is not discipline. When the child is born the first aspect that develops is the will. It takes the first 7 years of life to do this, it is very important that we understand that in the small child.

The intellect is not developed yet, the intellect is "sleeping" and if left, it will "wake up" at the right moment and then be ready for its function. Just as one doesn't hurry a new born to walk, we should be very careful not to wake up the intellect of the child before its time. This doesn't mean that the child does not think or reason, but they must be allowed to do it in a child like way, and when applying discipline, this must be consistent. From the day the child is born until the age of about six, the child just 'does' - but not for the same reasons that we 'do', remember they don't use their intellect they use their will, as this is what they are working on and developing, and our discipline contributes to the shaping of this will.
In the spiritual world which the child has just left, all is in order and all is disciplined and this is the reason why the baby needs order, and a discipline of love, to feel at home and secure.

The small baby needs discipline all around him, so our language and speech need to have a quality and an intention. The atmosphere where the child is must be as natural as possible (no radios, T.V., no cell phones, computers all those electronic sounds) Take care about what is spoken and how, around the baby, avoiding harsh words, rudeness, etc. And very important is the rhythm and routine in the baby's day. When we consider all these things we are meeting the child and we allow them to develop a sense of WONDER, by providing for them a proper silent environment (devoid of electronic devices), filled with love.
By giving them warmth, which is the language of the small child (0-3 years old) and slowly giving them their own space so that they can be who they are.When they get to 3 years old, there is a change in the development that needs to be looked at, so as to know how to deal with it. At this age the child sees life as a very serious matter. It is also the age when the child says "I" and wants to experience that "I", so there is going to be a pushing of boundaries. He/she needs to do this in order to know how far they can push and they will do it for years and years. It is the common denominator of the life of a baby-child-young adult-adult and this is one of the reasons why one needs to know the developmental stages of the child, so that one can apply at each moment what is needed so they can develop and grow in the best way.

At this age of 3, and even before, one needs to use imaginative stories to apply discipline, remembering that the child's intellect is sleeping. Even when they hear us giving them reasons why they should do or not do something, they CANNOT comprehend what is that we want to tell them. These are all abstract concepts for them and they don't have the organ to understand. So rather than answering all the thousand questions they will ask at this age, turn the question to them, or give them an imaginative answer, something that contains some wisdom, an insight instead of facts. This guideline is a tool for life when it comes to parenting.

At age 4 the child wakes up to social life and interaction. Instead of saying NO, or trying to explain that we all share things, first look into your own habits,- do you share with others? If you do, the child will imitate you, if you don't, then don't ask it of the child. This is something very important to consider with the small child and that will give us lots of insight into how we are doing and what we do. The small child learns by imitation, I will say it again, the small child learns through imitation and not by words or big lectures and explanations, which mean nothing to them. How many times have you explained the same thing? They don't listen, many parents will say. Well, perhaps we haven't realised that the child is not understanding because he/she doesn't have the means for understanding concepts, and because if we don't match our words with our actions, then why should they? In fact what we are teaching by that is that we don't need to match what we say with what we do.
Nature stories are a good tool for this age, because with these we address situations and we use examples without addressing the child directly. At this age the child develops REVERENCE through the awakening of their feeling life, they care for others and for animals.
Young children are not yet attached to the physical world, they are one with the universe, with nature.

At the age of 5, around 5 ½ the child goes through a kind of first time realisation, it is a small touch of what then becomes, at age 9, the 9 year crisis. A picture that was once given to me illustrates it nicely. Until now, the small child has been inside a garden full of wonder, reverence and oneness. Now the child wanders to the end of the garden and sees a gate, climbs it and sits on it. In front of her/him is a long way, she/he knows this is their life and they also know that they will have to walk it alone. Up until now they have been weaving through, but suddenly they become rude, they oppose hat one says, calling names, etc. The child needs the adults to put up a barrier which they can bang against. They need the adult to be clear, cool, precise, yes or no. No arguments, no "ifs". No "I'm not sure". The will of the child is metamorphosing one more step. By setting boundaries and letting them know that there are direct consequences, they can start learning RESPONSIBILITY. They will test continuously if we are true or fake. They need to know that they are needed in the world, so one must meet them and give them tasks and deeds. Give them instructions clearly and precisely and then check with them. The stories that one can use at this stage are more mundane than before and goal oriented. This clarity, firmness, open but without negotiation applies to the six year old also. Listen well and answer well if there is a need, sometimes listening and being there is enough. If the child is heard and met in his specific developmental stages with what he needs, discipline will lead to freedom.

Paz Luca deTena Thieme
September 2005
top

DISCIPLINE AND THE TODDLER

Pat Coombes recently visited the Sophia Family Centre to consider this topic.

An experienced preschool teacher of 30 years and a workshop facilitator at the Parent Centre, Pat drew our attention to our role as Adult, Parent and Teacher in disciplining, not only our toddlers but also the continued process of disciplining the growing child.  As we shall see, so many of the principles apply as well to older children and adolescents.

The root word for discipline is DISCIPLE, which means to follow. This immediately changes the commonly understood picture of punishing and saying NO, rather to one of the person being disciplined following someone or something.

Discipline is about creating the right environment for growth and about understanding and about creating and maintaining boundaries for the child. If these ingredients are provided, there will be no need for harshness and punishment.  She gave a wonderful example of baking a cake.   If one uses the accurate measurement of ingredients, correct method, right temperature- all the essential parts for a successful cake to be baked, then the cake will be a success.   If any one item is neglected at all, the cake will flop. The measuring, the method and the baking have to be checked to identify what it is that is not quite right.  So too if the child’s behaviour (the baked cake) is not the way it should be, we have to look at all that has contributed to the child’s life and experience and find out what and  where the shortfall has been e.g., diet, sleep, nurturance, limit setting, playtime and all the other components of the child’s life.

Since we do not live in a perfect world, one of the lessons that the young child needs to learn is that they cannot and in fact should not get everything that they want.  How we deal with their frustration and difficulty in accepting this fact is really what helps the child overcome this hurdle.   The young child is governed entirely by his feelings.  We as adults can read how they are doing almost entirely by observing the manifestation of their feelings, their behaviour.

Hence a child who is not feeling good about himself will not behave very well. She warned that we need to be aware of negative terms used in describing behaviour e.g. clinging behaviour.  Seen differently this behaviour is expressing a need for holding, hugging and acknowledgement. To quote Pat “If you hear a whine, you need to give the time.  Wants come after needs unmet.”

Know your own feelings in different situations so that you can recognise your capacity in different and difficult encounters. If you know that you are uncomfortable in a particular environment, be aware of that so that if your little one seems to be uncomfortable in the situation, you do not feel annoyed with the child, but own your own feelings and take cognisance of your behaviour.

Try to make things fun for yourself and the child.  Children have a great sense of humour, and fun and laughter lift the heaviness from a potentially difficult situation. Remember that adults process events and experiences intellectually.  Young children do not have such a capacity to process experiences in the same way.  The child’s reaction to a situation may appear very different from the adult’s and ought not to be judged from an adult perspective.

The adult should almost never fight back.  A creative way out of the “fight’ needs to be found in order for the situation to be resolved. The adult must remember that they are in charge.  In other words the adult must provide the safety both physically and emotionally for any experience for the child.

Perhaps the most important aspect of growing a child is the process of developing self esteem.  In focusing on discipline we always need to ask ourselves- are we making or breaking self esteem?   If we end up breaking self esteem, we need to think again and find another way around the problem. 

In conclusion Pat quoted an unknown source, “They need our love the most when they seem to deserve it the least”.  

Yvonne Herring
July 2005
top

TELEVISION AND THE YOUNG CHILD

It is well known among parents that this school "makes you feel sort of guilty about television". For some reason, as a parent here you're supposed to disapprove of it. There may well be feelings of resentment about this, but it's just one of the "Waldorf" things you have to put up with (and quietly ignore) in order to get the benefit for your child of all the other positive "Waldorf" things. It is not a healthy state of affairs to have half the parental body walking around feeling guilty and resentful, but at the risk of increasing this emotional discomfort I would like to spell out a few "Waldorf" things about why television is incompatible with the soul-life of young children. At least the feelings might end up being a little less vague.

The educational philosophy of this school is built around the idea of the human being as a three-fold organism: a living totality comprised of three interpenetrating but distinct systems. These are the visceral, the rhythmic and the neuro-sensory system. Biologically the visceral system, centred in the belly, is made up of the activity of the limbs, reproductive organs and digestion; the rhythmic system refers to the activity of breathing and circulation and so is centred in the chest; and the neuro-sensory system is the sum-total of all nerve and sense activity, and is centred in the head. Psychologically they are associated with sleep, dream and waking consciousness respectively; and spiritually with will, feeling and thinking.

As a totality these three systems exist in a state of dynamic polarity. In the visceral system we have all the (largely unconscious) life processes and its vitality is therefore prodigious, and in the neuro-sensory system we have all the processes which are lowest in vitality. They are not in any way rhythmic and constantly disturb the life processes of the visceral system. Between these two is the rhythmic system, which mediates and seeks to hold the balance between the other two. Every day, of course, it fails to do this, the by-products of neuro-sensory activity build up until drastic action has to be taken, and we fall asleep. In sleep the rhythms of breathing, circulation and metabolism re-establish their natural harmony, and then we wake up and the whole cycle of disturbance starts again.
With this background in mind, we can speak of the visceral system as the "life" pole of the human organism, and of the neuro-sensory system as the "death" pole. It is interesting that consciousness is a death-bringing process, while unconsciousness is the fountainhead of life.

This, of course, refers to the way things are in adults. In the young child the relationship between these two is different. There is much more vitality in the neuro-sensory pole of the young child than in that of the adult; in fact it might even be said that in the early stages the distinction does not exist, for it is at this time that the very pathways that will later be used by the adult neuro-sensory system are being engraved in the organism by experience coming via the child's highly susceptible senses. It is, in fact, during the child's first years - up to the age of seven - that the initial polarisation of the growing organism takes place, and through these primal experiences, the child - at birth completely asleep from a spiritual point of view - gradually wakes up in its head. This is a very delicate and sensitive process in which the qualities of the child's experience are becoming the physical substrate of its future life.

Into this extremely delicate phase of a child's development our culture introduces TELEVISION. In terms of this three-fold picture of the human being, what is television? The answer is simple: it is a technological externalisation of the neuro-sensory system - with a strong bias towards the visual aspect of this. TV is thus an external imitation of that pole of the human organism that disturbs life processes and brings them into disarray. The adult organism may be inured to this, so that an extension of the death pole may not be much of a burden on the life pole, but in a young child, whose own neuro-sensory system is still in process of formation, to be exposed to such an external influence is to be catapulted into a very premature adulthood. And this is not all. As I said, vitality is sparse at the neuro-sensory pole of the human organism, but TV lacks what life there is. It is the visual aspect of the neuro-sensory pole with the life removed, a partial mimicking of neuro-sensory activity with its death aspect enhanced. No wonder television stills the limbs of young children and puts them into a death-like trance!

This is one main "Waldorf" reason for being extremely wary of letting a young child anywhere near a TV set (or, for that matter, a play-station or a computer). Now we could add in the usual reasons that are given for such caution, but it will be found that the most important ones are implicit within what has already been said. I will highlight two.
The great TV critics Neil Postman and Joseph Chilton Pearce both strongly emphasise the fact that television acts as a force that impels young children towards premature adulthood, thus robbing them of their childhood. This happens because, in Postman's words, TV is a "total disclosure medium" - in its style and content it must spill the beans and willy-nilly the young child becomes party to all sorts of things which, in the interests of sound development, it would be better not to know about. This is the content aspect. What I have said above relates to the form of television. It is in its capacity as an externalisation of the neuro-sensory system (i.e. its form) that it exerts its pre-maturing influence. Thus both in form and in content television has a tendency to rob young children of their childhood.

That was the first one - now the second. Pearse says (and very convincingly demonstrates) that television viewing short-circuits a child's imagination. It is constantly providing stimuli for the formation of internal images while at the same time blocking this very important process by also providing the responses. The child's inherent need to form its own internal images is thus being constantly frustrated. There are strong grounds for thinking that this process, repeated thousand-fold, is a gross disturbance of the delicate engraving processes referred to in the first part of this article. The developing neuro-sensory pathways of the young child will lack subtlety and differentiation as a result. It must be noted here that this again is a form-related aspect of television, it happens regardless of the content.

By the time children come into class 1 this neuro-sensory engraving is all but complete. In spite of this, however, the child still possesses something of the original unified state into which it is born, and it is this which the teacher tries to harness and nurture, rather than exploiting the child's new-found neuro-sensory capacities. This is one of the great benefits of Waldorf education; namely, that it seeks to prolong the golden world of childhood for as long as possible. Obviously, early exposure to TV will be working against this. Another of the Waldorf benefits is that the children are fed on a developmentally attuned story curriculum. Both in form, content and style of presentation, this is very different from the fare on offer on TV. It draws upon,   fosters and needs to be able to rely upon, the child's ability to form its own images of story content. This is the time of the actual formation of what appears in the adult as imagination. Again, both the form and content of TV will be working against this. Another of the Waldorf benefits is the trouble taken by teachers to awaken and nurture the young child's sense of wonder, especially for otherwise lowly phenomena that might be right outside the classroom window. But if a child has been exposed from early on to flowers opening and butterflies pupating in time-lapse photography, to lions and whales and dolphins mating, to infra-red sequences of moles and foxes underground and all the other now-almost-routine techniques of nature films, then the poor teacher will be hard-pushed to compete, and the poor child will have been robbed of simple experiences of the immediate environment before he or she has even reached the age when they are possible.

So, the message here is simple: if the Waldorf benefits are not as evident in your child as you had expected, it may not be the teacher's fault.

Norman Skillen
2004
top

UNDERSTAND YOUR CHILDREN’S DRAWINGS

Scribbles are letters that children write to themselves - an essential part of their growth, says Dillion Meyers, playgroup teacher, in a talk at the Sophia Family Centre. One can follow their development through their drawings, as well as detect major changes in their small lives.

Most parents would love to have a budding Picasso for a child, but it is important to leave them to develop at their own pace. Often they cannot explain the content, and parents must not try to interpret it for them.

Between the ages of two to four a child’s drawings go through different stages of development. They start off with scribbles in the form of spirals that moves from an inward position outwardly. Initially they use lighter colour progressing into darker, which is a sign of the child’s ascension from the heavens to earth.

At first there is no direction, but then it takes on the form of a perpendicular line with swirls on either side. This indicates the child’s ability to attain an upright position and goes hand in hand with the learning of a language, as well as the crystallisation of thought processes.
During the next phase the child draws a circle with a cross inside. This reflects the development of the ego consciousness. The “me”, becomes “I” and the cross represents the self. With the child’s persona safely tucked away inside the circle she does not feel ready to reach out to the rest of the world just yet.

The first attempt to draw a human being reminds one of a tree. The tree could have a human face or the human form arises form the tree trunk. This is the stage when the child starts making contact with the world around her. From here the figure develops arms and legs and at approximately four years old, the feet appear.

During this time the child might develop a fear of being left alone at night - a sign that she is starting to realise her separateness from the whole. And so, in her contact with the outside world the symbols become pictures, the will develops and the fantasy world emerges in form.

Sadly, the conventional schooling system often forces children to skip the natural phases of development in their drawings which automatically stunts necessary growth. But if a child is allowed to develop in his or her own time, the following is true:
‘From babyhood to change of teeth he has step by step taken possession of his body.’ (Quoted from ‘The Study of Man’.) Thus, the child can become a healthy and whole human being through emotional, intellectual and physical integration.

Yvonne Herring
May 1998
top

FREEING THE ARTISIT WITHIN THE CHILD:
What is your role as parent in facilitating your child’s artistic expression?

This is the question that Mirjam Macleod, mother, artist, art facilitator (who recently completed a Bridging Polararities through Art course in Cape Town) and pioneer of the Sophia family centre, spoke about at a recent coffee morning.  This is a rather pressing question considering the world around us which is fast, mechanical, graphic and not always accommodating or providing of space for artistic creative exploration.

Why do children need art in the first place?  As the child grows and develops, he /she takes hold more and more of his physical body in many different ways. One way in which the child does this ,is through artistic expression, where they reveal to us how their soul and spirit come to a co-existence in their physical bodies.  Mirjam demonstrated how this process takes place, by using a display of children’s artistic work to highlight what she has observed as a mother and art teacher over the years.

 In a world where technology seems to control most of our lives; where our children are over stimulated by the media and achievement and where the pressure to be big, clever and glamorous has led to varying degrees of nervousness, over activity and alienation, there is little space for free expression.   During artistic activity the child IS free.  The child experiences a feeling of ‘opening up’ inside of him or her self; a space for ‘something’ to flow freely. The ‘something’ comes from the soul of each individual.  It is his true self and can never be something learnt or copied.  And so the child incarnates through the artistic activity. Given the opportunity, the child will express this process of development through archetypal symbols and drawings

Mirjam offered guidelines to parents and caretakers to facilitated artistic expression in the child. Children need freedom to express themselves artistically. We as caretakers must allow this freedom and protect them from the things that rob them of this freedom. Our primary role is that of the observer. If an effort at awareness (objective observation) is given priority, we can gain access to what it is that deeply occupies the child. It has been observed that nowadays children no longer express their messages as clearly as children did until the Forties.  Is there perhaps a connection with the nervousness and over stimulation of today?

Children need to express everything, both positive and negative feelings.  We need to make space for that and accept whatever they produce.   What will be the comment from the adult in response to an artistic presentation? For an adult insensitive feedback is difficult to live with, but for a child it is disastrous.  Many adults today have no relationship to art because of a lack of affirmation from their childhood art teachers. 

What does it mean to affirm our children?   We do not have to endlessly praise each artistic creation but show a real interest.   Our interest can often lead us to some remarkable discoveries about our child.   The child feels the interest and this affirms his endeavours to find his place on earth and come into a healthy relationship with himself.

On a practical level we can be supportive by making a space in the home for a table and chair.   Just as the cutlery are the tools in the kitchen, so then are paper and crayons, the tools for any artistic activity. Will there be time for drawing or is there constant pressure to do other things?
Is the space warm, physically and emotionally?   Warmth is essential for any unfolding of artistic expression.

Children need to sit comfortably and draw at a table.  Healthy posture facilitates connecting with a task.  Lying on the floor to draw occasionally can be fun, but not as a rule. Make artistic activity a rhythmical part of the day, especially when the child is little. Do we give attention to art on special occasions only?  Let daily tasks, like setting the table and preparing a meal, be done artistically. Once that habit is set the child will automatically gravitate towards artistic activity as something to do for his own sense of well-being.

The artistic medium that your child uses is important and again the question of freedom appears. The materials must of necessity be simple. Good real pigments yield pure true colours which blend well, producing other authentic colours. A medium that creates hard edges and too much boundary (eg ‘koki’ pens), limits the child’s expression, often leaving the child with a lifeless picture that perhaps he had not intended to create. Artificial mineral pigments, like those found in poster paints, blend poorly. The painter often ends up with a muddy mess…The medium must also make it possible for constant transformation of the artwork.  Since our children constantly change, so too we must allow for their artwork to change.

So much has been said and written about our stressful modern lifestyle, about the onslaught on childhood, it seems incumbent on us to offer a counterbalance to the ravages of our mechanical culture.  We owe it to ourselves to create and nurture a culture of art and beauty. We owe it to our children to provide them with an opportunity to experience the integration of their spirit and their soul into their physical bodies through art. Let us consciously take up the task of freeing our environment sufficiently to allow for true artistic expression in our children and provide them with a space literally and figuratively to find their place in the world.

Mirjam Macleod & Yvonne Herring 2004
top

UNDERSTANDING ADOLESCENCE

There are adolescents who come from seemingly balanced, secure homes who experience overwhelming problems. And then there are those who come from severely deprived backgrounds, who turn out to be emotionally balanced. This is an enigma which he finds hard to penetrate, says Howard Dobson, an adult educator formerly of Novalis Institute who recently addressed parents at a Sophia Family Centre coffee morning.

There are no easy answers as to how we, as parents, can create discipline in adolescents. That which young children experience in nature, becomes an inner ‘seed’ in the feeling life of the child. This perception, ‘internalized’,  eventually re-emerges in the intense emotional life of the young  adolescent, re-awakened as his/her sense of beauty. It is inevitable that the adolescents, as they enter this emotional awakening, start questioning truths, become judgmental and critical, or want to express their individuality through outrageous statements or dress. …….. It is inevitable that they want to join the revolution.

How can we, as parents, help our teenagers through this critical life-stage which is so often bewildering and overwhelming? Howard believes that by setting thresholds and achievable challenges for our children, they come into their ‘young adult’ being. This ‘setting of thresholds’ meets their most urgent inner needs.  It helps them wake up to the reality of the world - an awakening that takes twenty-one years.

There are different ways in which thresholds can be set. Physical challenges in nature where there are slight dangers -for example, river rafting, bungee jumping or rock climbing can fulfill a specific role. There is also the discipline of sport/gymnastics and the therapeutic value of eurythmy. The Waldorf School curriculum was created out of a vibrant array of such challenges, indeed, a kaleidoscope of thresholds. Through drama, for example, fourteen-year-old children perform Shakespeare, and in the process are given a chance to express their creativity. What better way of gaining human understanding than through following Parcival's journey to accomplish his quest!

Howard masterfully portrayed a most challenging subject. But, more importantly, he has opened an invaluable window on adolescence. Most of all, he has made us realize that having a difficult teenager is inevitable. The challenge lies in how, as parents, we deal with it.

September 1998
top

HUMAN TOUCH & THE SENSE OF LIFE/WELLBEING

Steiner talks about us having 12 senses, as opposed to 5.   The first two senses, touch and life, are the basic building blocks of the lower senses and must be nurtured and stimulated adequately for healthy development of the upper senses to take place.  The other two lower senses are the senses of movement and balance.  Children are immersed mainly in the lower senses.  They learn and absorb everything directly as it is happening in the moment and then repeating it with physical imitation.  Limited movement and activity causes limited muscle development and the body cannot grow healthily.   If there is not enough natural stimulation with healthy 1:1 games of rhythm, copying and singing in the early years,  children find it difficult to sit quietly and be at peace in their body.  It in fact causes pain on a certain level and the only relief is to keep on moving.

The sense of touch teaches a child about trust and fear and the sense of life about harmony and restlessness.  Everything the child experiences through touch lays the foundation for the ego sense and awareness of self and interacting with another’s boundaries, whilst the sense of life has a direct influence on the development of concept and thought. Touch tells us – this is the periphery of my body where I end and something else begins.  The resistance of the other tells us about our boundary.

Everything a child touches has a great moment of truth for it.  It is important to show them nature and the details in plants and trees: petals, leaves, stems, bark, pine cones, pine needles – encourage them to walk barefoot on a carpet of pine needles on the forest floor.   It makes a great deal of difference if a child plays with plastic or living materials such as wood. Touch gives us and the child in particular a sense of a creator / God by playing with and touching natural materials.  This allows the body and soul to resonate.  Small children are completely at one with everything around them – they perceive and think together in one moment, they do not separate them.  Therefore they become one with whatever you expose them to and resonate with it.   Which is why television, play stations, computer games are not good for them.   Their life forces are used up in observing something synthetic outside themselves instead of being used to build up their bodies.   Look at a child watching television – they are still, there is no animation as they are absorbed into the medium they are watching.

The primary function of the life sense is an assurance of durability and the reliability of our existence and of being at home in ourselves.  The secondary function is to supply an awareness of any ups or downs in the body.  It teaches us about pain: mental, physical and emotional.  The life sense is grated by discomfort and is in its element when, as it listens to the body, it finds a peaceful and harmonious condition.

The life sense in a child is nurtured by the loving care it receives from its parents and caregivers.  The attitude of care must be genuine and reverent and ensures the child develops the right confidence in itself and life and feels comfortable in its body.  To maintain a healthy life sense it cannot be emphasized enough that regular rhythms of mealtimes, bath times, story time etc are part of everyday life.     

Marianna Gardener
Rhythmical Massage Therapist
top

MOTHERS AND SONS

The question of the role of the father in child rearing, boys growing into men and rites of passage for boys is a very topical one.   In recent years books like Iron John, and Raising Boys have become popular literature.  The Sophia Family Centre decided to open the year’s coffee mornings by addressing the question of Mothers and Sons. Our guest speaker was Fouzia Rykliff, experienced social worker and previous director of the Parent Centre in Claremont.

Most recent statistics indicate the high percentages of crime, violence, learning disabilities, you name it which occur amongst boys.  The list is endless of what is wrong with boys and their upbringing.  What does this mean?   Are mothers automatically to blame for these ‘problems’.  Not so, says Fouzia.  It is true that mothers are frequently the sole role models for boys, in the absence of fathers.   There does exist in most cultures ‘father hunger’ amongst boys and girls for that matter.   But where does that leave mothers and sons?

Harriet Lerner in her book The Mother Dance stresses how much boys need the good qualities and emotional input from their mothers. Robert Bly in his literature seems to stress that only men can ‘grow up’ initiate boys.  Does this mean that mothers cannot do this or at least that mothers cannot grow men out of boys successfully?

Fouzia stressed that the kind of separation that Bly is talking about seems to mean literally” away from” the mother that is that a decrease in interaction with the mother is indicated.  She feels however that more rather than less interaction is required.  A loving relationship with a mother will enhance the development of masculinity because of the emotional connection with that mother.

She stressed that the mother /son (mother /child) relationship is the basis on which all other relationships are built. If this relationship is a healthy balanced one, not one of rejections or over-involvement, then the bridge to other relationships can be successfully built.  ‘Gate-keeping’ is a phenomenon commonly practiced by mothers who prevent the father from realizing a true connection to the son.  Mothers often like to control the influences on their children, and if the relationship between the mother and father has broken down, she may restrict or prohibit any relationship between the children and the father.  Unless he is criminally dangerous, it is important to allow and even to foster the relationship with the natural father, although it may not be in the style of parenting the mother prefers.  As the children grow older they have a right to a relationship with their father, and preventing this can do a great deal of harm, even though the mother feels it to be in the child’s interest.

Yvonne Herring
2004
top

WARMTH FOR HEALTH

As the chilly winds and rain of another Cape winter approach, the question arises once again - what is the greater significance of warmth, beyond that of mere comfort? Why is it particularly important to wrap up small children in a cocoon of warmth and encourage our older ones to be aware of the cold and learn to protect themselves from it?
One of the pre-requisites for all higher forms of life is warmth, from the moment of conception. This is an essential element for development, whether it be the germination of a seed or the development of an embryo; whether the parent is a plant, a mother duck or human, we all start by ensuring that the next generation begins life with the warmth it needs to survive. The sun is ultimately the source of all warmth, in whatever form and we harness and direct this energy when we feed and clothe our children.

Warmth and the ego:
Rudolf Steiner pointed out that we are fourfold beings. This fact finds expression in the physical body through four major elements: physical body in the mineral element (bones ), the life body (etheric) in the watery, fluid element, the soul through the element of air (breathing), and fourthly, the Ego (Individuality: the spiritual in each human being.) Each of these levels of being incarnates over a period of seven years, the physical beginning at birth and culminating it's most active phase with the change of teeth at age seven; the etheric between seven and fourteen; the astral between fourteen and twenty one and the ego from age twenty-one.

The younger the child the less well able it is to regulate it's own temperature, though the more important this is, indeed with a tiny baby it is a question of warmth for survival. Each of the subsequent levels helps to "sculpt" the incarnating child and in order for this to proceed warmth is essential. The etheric, astral and ego forces have great difficulty transforming that little physical body into a suitable instrument for use in later life if it is chilled and without pliability through being inadequately clothed. The ego is still very immature and unable to regulate a young child's temperature, so that child depends on the mother's ego to do the regulating for him.

'Real' warmth  vs synthetic: Fibres obtained from plants eg. cotton, hemp, rayon, and from animals - like silk, wool and leather, are natural and living. These fibres 'breathe', regulate temperature and allow for comfort. Synthetic fibres, e.g plastic nylon, polyester, 'foam'rubber in shoes/soles and bedding are mostly derived from the non-living, cold sub-mineral realm and are mainly byproducts of petroleum. These are unable to mediate environmental temperature and body temperature, causing overheating, static electricity build-up, sweatiness and discomfort.
Another point to consider is the chemical processes that are involved in
the production of these synthetic materials . Factory workers in plastics
production are exposed to toxic fumes and enormous levels of heat on a daily basis. The environment pays the final, bitter price in the form of pollution by
non-recyclable non-renewable materials . (Disposable nappies take longer
than nuclear waste to decompose !)

Warmth and health:
Which parts of the body require more warmth than others ? Around the
main body cavity (torso /abdomen) where the most organs are found, (e.g. the liver, stomach, spleen, lungs , kidneys, bladder and the reproductive organs), the greatest and most consistent warmth is required . Tucking in
shirts and jumpers is needed, instead of allowing tummies to be exposed to the hardening effects of the cold.  Also the extremities (head, hands,
feet) require protection.

Most heat escapes through the head of the very young (60 percent or more of body heat loss) especially through the fontanelle(the "soft spot" on the top of the baby's head, where the plates of the skull have not yet closed), as well as via the ears - hence the need for a head-hugging bonnets, which also protect the ears. Likewise our feet, through which we experience the rising cold of the earth, and with which we develop and retain our contact with gravity and the earth, require warmth and protection by leather shoes in cold weather. Combined with the use of hands in the activity of play, the young child develops balance and motor coordination for which warmth is needed. This is supplied through effective blood circulation - right into the muscle activity of feet, toes, forearms and fingers where the embryonic ego is active. Cold hands or feet indicate poor blood circulation due to insufficiently contained body warmth.

The long-term negative effects on the entire human being exposed in youth to prolonged cold through being unsuitably dressed, are manifold. The incarnation of the soul of the individual is hampered and by the time adulthood is reached, the spirit will still have been unable to find full habitation of its earthly home, the physical body. This can lead to premature ageing and hardening of organs resulting in ill health, as well as less tangible effects on the levels of existence beyond the physical. Just as our children need the soul warmth of love and understanding to thrive as individuals, so too do they need physical warmth as the foundation for physical heath and well-being. Think again about those bare feet in the playground and the uncovered head of a young child exposed to cold and winter rain.

Written with Jeanne Roux and re-edited by Jenny Skillen for this publication. 
June 2003
top

FARMING WITH NATURE
A talk by Jeanne Malherbe

The ground that nourishes us is crying out for help. Are we passers-by, strolling along as we sometimes do, ignoring the reality that we are all connected? Are we assuming no responsibility and choosing to ignore that our role is to be aware and to question the effect of human development on our environment and ourselves?

Humans are often being driven by the acquisition of wealth and possessions. Technology is pushing us along at a furious pace. Sometimes we feel that all we can do is to just try and keep up with all that is happening around us - and cocoon ourselves in the comfort zone of our home, disregarding our role of being aware of the factors threatening our longer term survival.

Jeanne Malherbe is someone who has been aware of her inter-connectedness with nature and has been a pioneer in Biodynamic farming in South Africa. She has farmed on the farm Bloublommetjieskloof, near Wellington, for the past 30 years. Jeanne visited the Sophia Family Centre recently and captivated the mothers and myself (I was the only father) with her knowledge, wisdom and warm smile.

She posed questions that we may at times tend to ignore, such as: How much life can we put into ourselves when we eat dead food cultivated with dead chemicals? How can we enliven our bodies, our minds, our spirituality? How can we be more receptive of what comes to us from the cosmos? How do we consciously work toward the progression of the earth?

Biodynamic farming and eating produce cultivated on these farms provides some of the answers. Bios (Life) -Dynamos (Energy of life forces) - is a process of cultivation of the soil and the re-enlivening of the earth. This food has in turn the ability, the life force, to enliven our bodies and to make us more receptive to what comes to us from the cosmos. We refer to our 'Father' in heaven and our 'Mother' earth. Our mother that feeds us, our mother that the majority of people take for granted.

A Biodynamic farm is part of a system in which cosmic forces exercise an influence upon the earth which is itself understood as a living organism. According to this view a farm is also an organism which reflects the diversity of nature.

Jeanne discussed the interaction of this diversity and to illustrate, spoke of the roles of the bee, cow and earthworm.   Bees not only provide a product for human consumption – honey. They are essential for the pollination of many crops and often have a major influence on yields. A bee is of the astral realm, a being of light and warmth. A bee's function is to gather pollen or nectar and will not mix the pollens of flowers in a cell in the beehive - it therefore will stick to the same variety of plant on any given day. On a Biodynamic farm the bee colony is seen as a single organism and the management of the hive aims not to disrupt this organism. Unfortunately bee populations have been decimated by the use of insecticides in conventional farming and disrupted by practices in conventional beekeeping.

Where the bee is from the astral realm, being of light and warmth, the earthworm is of the dark, moist realm. The earthworm is a decomposer and breaks down organic matter into nutrients that once again can be taken up in plants.

 As humans have developed and land has been cleared in the name of 'progress', the natural eco-systems have been disrupted and irreparably damaged. An earthworm cannot exist where the land has been cleared - necessitating the use of artificial chemicals to 'supplement' the nutrients the earthworm would have created naturally.

Mediating between the bee and the earthworm is the cow, on the earth. The role of the cow is to produce the most balanced of manures, which to the Biodynamic farmer is considered to be the main product before considering the milk production. The manure is for the renewal of Mother Earth and as the cow walks, she breaks up the soil and prevents compacting.  We can use the bee, earthworms and cow manure in our gardens to help us create a healthy soil and plant environment. The more healthy our soil is, the more healthy the plants are and less likely to be targets for pests such as aphids and disease. A sure sign that all is not well is the prevalence of disease and pests.

Some hints in terms of feeding plants is to fill about 1/10th of a container with cow manure and the rest with water, stirring daily and after three weeks, feeding this mixture to the plants. Also when making compost, make sure that the compost heap is about 2 metres square and at least 1 metre high to assist the heating up process. Cow manure should be added and comprise at least a layer of about 25cm. The balance of the compost should be made up of as much a variety of natural material as possible.

Jeanne Malherbe emphasized the importance of being far more aware of, and of actively accepting responsibility for our environment and our future.

Chris Laubser for The Sophia Family Centre 1999
top

THE GARDEN… A SOURCE OF LIFE

Early in 2005 the Sophia Family Centre hosted Avice Hindmarch at a coffee morning.  She spoke about her passion, THE GARDEN. Avice is a perm culture pioneer, mother of sons, grandmother; she brings great life experience to all she offers.

She spoke firstly about the never-ending wonder to be found in a garden, no matter how small or simple.  Any human being, adult or child is offered many of life’s lessons and experiences in a garden.
The continually changing plant and animal life among other things, offer the child opportunities to experience harmony and disharmony, life and death right before their eyes in any garden, wild or cultivated.  Observing the frog, previously a tadpole; woodlice suddenly appearing in a compost heap; leaves turning brown and dropping to the ground allow everyone to see and know how things change in nature.

In a structured or man made environment e.g. a child’s own room or kitchen, one has to continually be contriving or doing something to maintain the child’s interest and enthusiasm.  Out in nature in the garden, on the other hand, the child can interact with the environment which itself keeps changing. Of their own accord, the child will see, explore and find out what there is to be seen, and what changes are taking place.  To the un-judging child, the ‘imperfections” of nature, e.g. unusual leaf formations, are not perceived as imperfections, …they merely have their place in the garden as well.

The lessons of mortality and immortality, life and death are found in the garden daily. If left, the mature plant shows its dying flower, sagging stem and finally drops its own seeds. The adult plant becomes compost itself for the next season’s seeds, in which they  germinate of their own accord.  Watching the cycle of life in this way, the adult has no need to explain anything to the child.  Nature speaks for herself.

The harvesting of the vegetables, the picking of the lovely flowers all bring great joy to the young child.  They are able to participate in the preparation of a meal and beautify the table and so they enjoy the meal with new gratitude and reverence.

All the kingdoms of nature are represented in the garden. The mineral kingdom is seen in the stones and the crystals. The plant kingdom is found in abundance. Plants of course cannot move about, but they do show their life forces by changing seasonally.

The animal kingdom is present in the visiting birds, butterflies little ants and critters scuttling about.  Even the bug in the leaf has new significance to a small child.

The human presence is the only upright one - the one who is mobile, bringing ego presence to the entire ecosystem.

Observing these kingdoms in this way the toddler has a full biology lesson in a short visit to the garden.

A harsh experience of thorns and stinging nettles allows the child to feel pain and to associate pain in its rightful place in life.

Avice gave a wonderful picture of man standing upright and reaching into the stars and how the stars and the moon and their positions have a profound effect upon all life on the earth.  Because the moon reflects the sunlight, the waxing and waning of the moon have an effect on plant growth.   Biodynamic farmers only plant certain plants at certain times in the lunar cycle.  These are cosmic laws of nature which need no explanation to a child who will merely experience them in the garden.

She ended by saying that eating food is not only for physical nutrition.  What we eat also feeds our thoughts.

In conclusion therefore, it seems that we owe it to our children to allow them to experience nature through a garden.   Offering such an opportunity to interact with nature is profound and formative for children finding their place as human beings.

Yvonne Herring
2005
top

UNDERSTANDING EASTER

RESUME OF A TALK GIVEN BY REV. RICHARD  GOODALL        

Eastertide begins on Easter Sunday and is celebrated for the next 40 days - until Ascension.  The age-old tradition of children hunting for eggs on Easter Sunday morning brings great anticipation and excitement.   But what is it about really?

In the Easter hunt, the egg itself, eternal symbol of new life, is that which is given to us by Nature.  Traditionally, eggs are decorated -and hence culturally imbued - by being transformed through human activity. During the hunt, the eggs are well hidden and intentionally not easy to find.  Kids have to experience some challenge, look attentively, even get a bit scratched whilst trying to retrieve them. This hunting, to ‘find the gold’ of the egg, has enormous significance for mankind. Although Easter is ostensibly celebrated as a Christian festival, the picture of the egg is a universal one, and indeed, correctly understood, festivals such as these hold universal significance, and relate fundamentally to all of mankind; the festivals embody developmental steps ALL human beings go through.    

We know that of all the species, the new-born human is least capable of earthly survival. This utter and prolonged dependence on nurturance is unique to the human being.  Through nurturance, and nurturance alone, the human child ‘becomes human’.  Through the senses, the formative child absorbs EVERYTHING from the environment it finds itself in, and in so doing, the child uses ALL received to develop its whole being; physical, emotional and spiritual. As the growing child develops and grows through earthly experience, becoming ever more conscious of and pre-occupied with the earth, pre-birth(spiritual) memory gradually recedes, even though the energy and impulses that came with it still remain - propelling us forward until the 28 year.

The child only experiences ‘separateness’ from its mother fully during the ninth year. The child now is able to realize- fully for the first time, that he/she is not ‘part’ of the mother, but in fact, a completely different entity. This is scary and risky business, as the child at once needs to ‘hang on’, yet also needs to venture out.

At 14, a further separation takes place; individuality begins to emerge strongly and the child begins to experience freedom of being.

Further separation and loosening from roots continues in the next 14 years. By the time the individual is about 28 years old, he/she is able to attain freedom from both his/her personal earthly history, and experiences  completion of the formative effects of the cosmos.  The question ‘’ What am I going to do with my life?’’ becomes the central one, and this is often the time when one makes decisions about a life path. 

Having slowly separated from parents and ‘come down to earth’ such that one might become a fully realized earthly, truly incarnate being, the experience now is that of one’s “natural religion’’ running out; no more free lunches. Henceforth, only conscious effort to seek out a spiritual path can ’connect’ one to one’s purpose, and indeed, to the spiritual world.

We find parallels between human development and earth development throughout history. The Mystery of Golgotha as historical moment in the life of the earth thus represents the developmental equivalent of the Easter experience. At the time of Christ’s life on earth, humanity had evolved  (‘ripened’) to its ‘28th year’. We thus may say that the spiritual world feeds and nurtures the human being, providing an earthly body and formative influences up until this threshold age of 28 years.  At this age we are ‘equipped’ with all that had been given, able to go forward to identify our life’s task and pursue a purposeful life. Inasmuch as we fail to do that, we essentially remain ‘a youth’, in emotional arrest, instead of one maturing spiritually. Just like finding the hidden golden yoke, the journey ‘to find the gold’ is often difficult and painful. And yet, should we not take this step of meeting our destiny, we cannot progress; as spiritually immature human beings, we then merely continue to lead earthly, physical lives and our task on earth remains unachieved.

The Resurrection thus represents an awakening of humanity, offering the possibility of the human being to forge ‘a new body’, a higher or spiritual body, one with which to take up a true destiny. As the spiritual world knows no ‘death’ as we know it in the earthly sense, the Resurrection is thus a celebration of (eternal) life, and the Mystery of Golgotha represents a change in the course and destiny of mankind.

All associations with/experiences of death are thus essentially ‘pre-Easter experiences’, and Eastertide annually reminds us of the possibility of reconnecting with the spiritual world. Like a young adult of 28 yrs, we may once more take up the challenge to find our true destinies, to bring real meaning into earthly life, and to provide the possibility for higher Beings to be active on earth.

April 2003
top

WHY WE CELEBRATE THE FESTIVAL OF ST JOHN

Contemplating the festival of St John, which is celebrated on the June 24, Richard Goodall, local Christian Community priest, recently addressed the Sophia Family Centre gathering on  ’’CHANGE AS A WAY OF LIVING- THE FESTIVAL OF ST JOHN.’’
Firstly, he focused on the status of current agriculture. More and more chemicals, pesticides hormones, ‘Terminator‘ type seeds and other unnatural additives are used in agriculture, with yields of ever lower nutritional levels and an eventual loss of all natural and living properties in the soil being the result. This is a picture of our subsistence in a one-way street and cul-de-sac. This requires an eventual total dependence on artificial means and the destruction of the earth’s crust on which we depend for life: a picture of an entirely unsustainable agricultural industry.

Our short-sighted profit-driven methods and motives proceed from a materialistic world view which permeates all, focused as it is on ‘’getting more of something’’, of some PRODUCT, with total disregard for the PROCESS or its consequences to the whole. It is a fixed, hardened, ‘’sclerotic’’ approach to life and all relationships within it. If, on the other hand, we were to prioritise the PROCESS and sustainability in agriculture, we would enliven the soil, working with small potent, living doses (as in homeopathy) of the right substances and we would witness an ever-enriching process of earth regeneration. It is exactly this kind of shift in our thinking that John the Baptist urges, bidding us to change the way we look at things, out of which then all else can also change.

Have you ever observed how you REACT to something or someone?  If you could change THE WAY YOU OBSERVE an event, you would ALSO be able to be PRO-ACTIVE, really helping the situation. Only in this way, can we create the possibility for each human being to be the best that they can be, and ALLOW each person to discover him/herself as a human being.
    
If we broaden this view and look at the socio-political sphere, we see that we are now beyond the Nationalism that characterised much of human action in the last century – acting rather as individuals amongst all other human beings; so too, the light to lead humanity has to be found within each heart, within ourselves. Way back in ANCIENT EGYPT, in the pagan precursor of the festival of St John, the participants would jump over the fire in order to experience excarnation – to feel a natural ‘high’. Today, we no longer require or deem appropriate such ‘’out-there’’ experiences, but rather strive to achieve that inwardly; we are urged to find that light within.

The significance of lighting a lantern as we do at St John’s, is enormous; a deed in the world representing our inner experience, inner light.

July 2000
top

WHAT IS MICHAELMAS ?

Children at Waldorf schools will be celebrating Michaelmas festivals shortly.
Do we know what Michael is all about? At a recent meeting of the Sophia Family Centre Richard Goodall, local Christian Community priest examined the festivals celebrated during the first half of the year - from Advent, Christmas, Epiphany, Easter on to Whitsun. Although Christian in origin, these festivals are universal celebrations of Humanity.  They celebrate ‘nurturance’, that which flows towards us, those spiritual gifts received by Mankind during the first half of the year, marking something inwardly. This picture is embodied in the Gift of the Christ Child, the Sacrifice at Easter, the Dove descending at Whitsun, and so on.

In contrast, if we look at the festival of St Johns, the halfway mark of the year, there is a turnabout and the celebrations change from that of the receiver, the consumer, into the human being having to take what has been gained from these other celebrations, - and now invest it in the world, giving something out of one’s self back to humanity.

The archangel, Michael, the reigning Spirit of these times, is being celebrated towards the end of September.  The stern, powerfully poised and patiently waiting nature of this saint is a picture that communicates to us that we are no longer ‘’spoonfed’’ from the spiritual world. It is now incumbent on us to practice readiness and receptivity before we are able to receive the help and the grace that is ever available to mankind. We only have to make half a gesture, and He will hasten to help us in our task.

The central gesture of Michaelmas is that of Courage.  It takes courage to go out and DO something in the world, to fend for one’s self, even more so to fend for others.

Michaelmas requires us to stretch – to go beyond where we normally would.  Ours is not a comfortable era, and the time around Michaelmas especially is one of tremendous challenge .We have also witnessed this Michaelic impulse over the last few centuries in vast changes in social practice and institutional life; we are no longer molly-coddled by the church, tribe or group we identify with, as had been the case during the previous cosmic cycle, when the Archangel Gabriel was the reigning Time Spirit - we are awakening to our own individuality.  Out of this growing sense of individuality, comes a deep appreciation for individual liberty and an expanding sense that it has to do with the freedom of all of humanity. The safeguards of old - closed and exclusive definitions by race, creed or gender- no longer provide or guarantee freedom.  We are hugely freed by this individuation, we have become our own ‘bosses’ and in so doing, of course, we need to be far, far more responsible for our actions and behaviour.  We need to guarantee the very freedom so hard to achieve by ‘taking charge’ of ourselves.

In contemplating Michaelic times and the Michael festival, we learn to apply the knowledge and the strengths developed during the previous era, that of the Archangel Gabriel, which included intellectual development. We are learning that knowledge that remains intellectual is useless – we have to penetrate our work with Michaelic thinking – which is to take hold of the earth, and to use it to the good of all humanity.

The symbols of Michael are both the Sword and the Scale.   The Sword is that of sharp differentiation between what is Essential and what is not. We conquer the dragon not by killing it, but overcoming and taming it. To bring about clarity of thought and rightness of action, discernment is required. The Scale is the symbol of keeping the balance between the inner and the outer worlds. In other words we have to balance an introspective inner life with the right outer actions and behaviour.

Mankind has two sources out of which to confront darkness. Firstly, knowledge in all its fullness and wholeness, and secondly, a calm peaceful space into which the knowledge can come.  The language of the angels is a quiet peaceful one.  To hear it at all, we have to supply the vessel in which the process of revelation can happen, the buds of the soul can flower.   All too often, our hyped and frantic lives frazzle us - our buds never flower.  This ‘war’ is one that occurs in each human soul currently, not merely ‘out there’, between Palestinians and Israelis or between Catholics and Protestants.

We are reminded that our children learn through imitation of our gestures.  So too can we approach the season of Michaelmas by perhaps making the first gesture; that of Calm and of Balance.  Then the Angels can help.   Our children will Remember.

Sept 2002
top

All the essays from these talks have been lovingly compiled by Yvonne Herring –Bruwer, Waldorf mum & school consellor, and published in three volumes of Collected Essays. A BIG ‘thank-you’ to Yvonne for allowing us access to this incredible parenting resource.